(2nd entry today...)
What's a wife/mother to do when she finds herself husbandless/childless on a Friday night? Why, get down with her bad self, of course.
CAUTION: The following entry may contain information that may shock or alarm sensitive readers. The entry may also contain an overabundance of CAPITAL LETTERS and bold print. Please proceed with caution.
Upon arriving home from work, I:
1. Let both dogs outside to pee at the same time, managing to scare away all killer bees in the immediate vicinity with the sheer power of my mind.
2. Ate a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats for supper. Yes, I ate breakfast for dinner. (The rebellion begins.)
3. Did one load of laundry and mixed darks and lights without a smidgen of guilt or remorse. (The rebellion continues.)
4. Went for a walk, ALONE, with naught but my trusty house key to fend off any would-be attackers (killer bees included).
5. Wore the same shirt I sweat (sweated?) in on yesterday's walk. (I am attempting to [in the immortal words of Gill from Finding Nemo] "be as gross as possible" while I have no one around to impress.)
6. Successfully evaded 2 particularly vicious killer bees intent on ganging up on me and killing me (slowly and brutally, I'm sure) by walking faster and once again repelling them with pure mind-power.
7. Dealt with the dead mouse by resisting Plan A (putting the trap and mouse in a sealed plastic bag and leaving it in freezer for husband to deal with when he comes home) and Plan B (throwing both mouse and trap in the trash, thereby avoiding dealing with the carcass) and putting into action Plan C (calling my husband and asking him again how to release the dead mouse from the mousetrap), only screaming like a terrified little girl approximately 7 times in the course of a 4-minute conversation.
8. Reset mousetrap and proceeded to put it back in place, but accidentally set it off, resulting in one last terrified-little-girl scream but, miraculously, no injured or severed fingers.
9. Reset mousetrap AGAIN and successfully put it back in place, silently daring any mice to dare to mess with ME, Master and Commander of the Mousetrap.
And, folks, it is only 7:30. The night is young, and who knows what other wild and wondrous adventures await me in the coming hours. Check back later for the thrilling results of One Enchanted [Friday] Evening.
***** EDIT *****
Well, the rest of my evening went as follows. I:
10. Spent 2 hours battling my way through one very boring report, chock full of numbers (and we all know how I hate math). I have one more equally boring report to muddle through, and then my freelance work will be done.
11. Worked hard on church stuff (including editing and printing the bulletins, writing and printing the order of service, burning a CD, and getting a jump on music for next week since I will be away).
12. Fought the urge to rent a movie and park my lazy butt on the couch.
13. Fought the urge to make a late-night run to the grocery store for ice cream (which I totally deserved, though).
14. Cleaned the downstairs. (... What? You were expecting more? Isn't the fact that I'm cleaning willingly enough of a shocker?)
I got to bed late (don't ask). And now it's Saturday. I slept in a bit, but whatever this bizarre motivation that has taken over me is, it hasn't faded. So far today, I've taken a 30-minute walk, done dishes, straightened and vacuumed Ari's room, vacuumed the hallway, partially straightened and vacuumed our bedroom, and cleaned the entire upstairs bathroom. I even washed all of Ari's bath toys, and got on my hands and knees to clean the baseboards and scrub the floor in the bathroom. I don't even know who I am anymore, people.
I'm taking a break for lunch, then it's off to finish the bathroom, vacuum the stairs, and finish my freelance work. Oh, and I still have to do PowerPoint slideshows for church tomorrow. Then, after all of that is done, if there is any time left in the day (and if I'm still alive), maybe we'll see about that movie.
I think Tony may pass out from all the cleanness when he gets home. And he'll probably look at me suspiciously and say, "Who are you and what have you done with my wife?"
PS Ow ow ow, my back and my arms and my knees and my legs hurt. This is why I don't clean.
***** EDIT #2 *****
It's almost 8 PM. I finished all my freelance work, finished cleaning, and did the PowerPoint stuff for church. I even had time to chat on the phone with Tony and run a couple errands (for some very important items which I will tell you about in just a moment).
I just got out of the shower (I worked up a lovely sweat doing all that housework), I'm in my pajamas, and as soon as I post this, I am scooping myself up a big bowl of Edy's Loaded Cookies and Cream and parking myself in front of the TV to immerse myself in the crazy world of Sweeney Todd.
I so totally earned this.
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7 comments:
LOL, you crack me up!!! I love this entry. Looking forward to Enchanted, etc. lol don't remember the complete title. does this mean u r watching Enchanted tonight? Olyvia and I watched it a couple of nights ago. love the movie and have fond memories of seeing it for the first time with you guys. have a great night!
LOLOLOL! Sara you should seriously write a book! You are hilarious! "Are you lonely tonight?"
I think this proves you should not be left home alone. Tony, you should probably come home quickly!
Wow, it wasn't even that late, and you were already acting and talking strange. But that's typical, so I'm not worried ;)
Wow, you got a lot done on a Saturday. It's funny, cause when you have a free day you think that you should get lots of things done, but because it's a free day, you get lazy and do hardly anything. But not you, my fabulous sister! You have conquered bees and laziness and dead mice--go buy yourself some ice cream!!
U totally deserve the ice cream!
Yes, you definitely deserve to relax, eat ice cream and just veg after all the work you have done this weekend! Tell me what you think of that musical. It's on our list at netflix to come once Steve gets back. I've heard different sides from different people. Hope you have an awesome night.
Wow, Sara, quite the getting-things-done weekend!! I tried packing a bit, but didn't get nearly as far as I wanted. You, on the other hand, got so much done!! Want to come to a certain apartment in PA and continue some cleaning... Thought I'd ask.. :) See you in 4 weeks for D's grad party and in 5 for good!!! :)
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