On love letters

There is an article in the February issue of Reader's Digest on love letters, mostly an interview with Bill Shapiro, editor of a book of love letters. The article also features excerpts from various love letters. These 2 were my favorites....

I look at you now and feel my breath catch just as it did on that drizzly April day when your poor father walked you down the stairs and into marriage. And I think now, just as I did then, that I already have more than my share of blessings without ever counting past the first. You are my one, but that isn't the first blessing. The first is knowing I am yours.

~ Jay Heinrichs wrote this to his wife, Dorothy, 28 years after that April day. It appeared on the first page of a book of photos of their life together, his anniversary gift to her.

darling I can't replace you

~ From Jenny Weaver to Mark Bjerke, college students in Santa Rosa, CA, written on the flap of the envelope

But it was this question/answer in the interview portion that really spoke to me, made me pause, and has infected my mind ever since...

Q: We know that love can be fleeting. What possesses us to write all this stuff down?

A: We want love to last, and we think it will. Writing it down is a hopeful act: It guarantees that in some way, it will last. It's like taking a picture of a baby--you are capturing something you know is going to change.

I never would have thought to compare writing a love letter to taking a picture of a baby, but it makes sense, and it really is a great analogy if you follow through with it. From the moment your child is born, you know she's going to change and grow. So you take pictures--millions of them. Why? Because she's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, sure. But also because you know she's going to change faster than you think, and you want to capture those first smiles, those first teeth, that funny way she wrinkles her nose when she laughs.

But just because she changes, doesn't mean the love fades. If anything, it grows stronger and deeper. At least, that's how it should be. And the same applies to romantic love, as well. Yes, it changes. But that's not necessarily always a negative thing. Love is supposed to change, in size, in depth, in a hundred little ways you may not even see until you look back, like looking back at a picture of an infant, and smiling as you think, "Oh, remember when...?"

On a shelf in my closet, I have a basket stuffed full of cards, notes, and letters from Tony, from our college years, when we were dating. Not every single note he's ever written me, but still a decent amount. I couldn't help looking through them the other night, as this entry rolled around in my head... as I did, I found the first birthday card he ever sent me, a series of letters he wrote for me to open on an airplane trip home (4 of them, all numbered and with instructions), and the first note he wrote to me after we were engaged. But I also found piles and piles of "just because" notes--the kind he would write for no special occasion, other than to tell me he was thinking of me. I am so glad I have kept these cards and notes. I love knowing that, at any given moment, I can sift through them and remember those days when we were first discovering love, all giddy and silly and foolish and bursting with butterflies.

And even though we've been married for ever and ever, and we see each other every day, and we can say "I love you" and other such phrases right to each other's faces, there are still moments when he writes me little love letters. Even if it's nothing more than a sticky note with a short message, or a few words on an index card. Somehow, those tiny little notes mean more to me than the frilly, flowery cards he sometimes gets me for a birthday or anniversary, even though he always adds his own personal words to those. There's just something about an unexpected note... maybe it's because I know that there's no obligation behind it, that no occasion or national holiday prompted him to write it... that he chose to write it simply because he wanted to.



So here's a question for you... when the last time you wrote a love letter to someone?

Me, it's been a while. So I am adding that to the top of my To-Do List for today.